You and I, we had a good run there for a while, but it’s time we start moving our separate ways. See, the thing is, Fear, for years I hung on to you thinking that you were protecting me- keeping me from getting hurt or failing. For a long time now, I’ve been seeing that it is quite the opposite! “Getting hurt”? Failure? You’re such a liar! There’s no such thing. When something doesn’t work, there’s a brand new opportunity to get it right lined up behind it. With each so called “failure”, I’m beginning to see that something new is learned on how to get it right for the next time. An example, you might be requesting, Well, yoga. Crow pose, perfect example. I lean forward, even more, even more, then fall down. You used to convince me that such asanas were preposterous! Something reserved for thin, experienced yogis, not for marshmallowy, timid, former fashion designers who did the Rodney Yee, Baron Baptiste Power yoga videos in her living room. Well, the other day, a classmate suggested using the crook of my knee as leverage. I tried it, fell over. My teacher said, “squeeze your thighs to upper arms”, in my mind I remembered a similar maneuver from pole dancing to climb and did it. I was able to touch my toes and heels together, holding this pose with ease. In a little while, my chubby ass is going to attempt lifting thighs, and trust me, I’m not going to be thinking of you. You want another example you say? Men. Holy hell you used to make me believe I wasn’t good enough, there weren’t any “Good Men” out there- that they’re all bastards. Again, you lying, manipulative jerk! They are not! There are nice, intelligent, amazing men out there, running around all over the place. I noticed something different with the last breakup recently. I didn’t think of you, Fear. He went his way on his own journey, I went mine, with peace and respect. Instead, I stayed present, not worrying, being anxious that I may be alone for ever and ever. Which reminds me…
You’ve been inviting your buddies Self Doubt, Sadness, Bitterness, Comparison, and Anxiety to the party, Fear. I’m sorry to say, but your friends are all assholes. Comparison and Self Doubt are conniving little bitches in particular because they make themselves look like the popular girls. Everybody talks about Comparison! Everybody wants to hang out with her- its cool to use the words, “I wish I looked like…” “I want to look like…” “Why can’t I be like…” I hung out with them because, well, that’s what others did. Sheep. And that’s my fault, not yours.
I want to say something about your friends, Anxiety and Sadness. The three of you used to make me cry. A lot. Today I had a long chat with an elderly woman. She told me her life story. The tears and joy, marriage, and how she overcame personal weakness to live an extraordinary life. She inspired me so much, they all do, my aged clients, my adopted grandparents. I hear stories of pain, death, sorrow, and yet, life. They all have one thing in common. They don’t hang around you anymore, Fear. This woman said something to me today, which will remain between us, but it made me strong. I’ve spent time with you, Sadness, Anxiety, Self Doubt, Bitterness, Comparison. I’ve walked through hell with them at my side, holding me down. It’s a lot easier to grab that margarita and seek refreshment in such hellish weather when you’re not holding hands with such a controlling bastard like you, dear Fear. I’ll be a yoga teacher and dietitian soon. Thanks for being there when you were, because now I know what you look like and what my clients are going through with their relationship with you. Now I can help them get the courage to leave your abusive clutches because I’ve held your hand, felt your cold touch, once succumbed to your wrath.
Go hang out with your friends, you’re not welcome here anymore.
Your Former Devotee.
WordPress Daily Prompt, Shape Up or Ship Out http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/daily-prompt-ugly/